In 2012 I went through divorce and went through an experience of letting go of a relationship that lasted for seven years and produced 2 beautiful and incredible children. I had to leave them in the country that they were living in and move to another country and loose daily contact with them. My children were still quite young at the time (five and three) and so it was a very very intense process that I learned a lot from. I wouldn’t be the person that I am today if I hadn’t gone through it. It was devastating. I fell into a deep state of depression where I couldn’t find a reason why life should continue and why I should make an effort for life to thrive again and to be something that I can hold on to, that I could make sense of, where there was a structure that could help me be happy again. This experience forced me to really look at finding that inner balance that allowed me to see I could live without my children and be happy.
What I learned was that with a sense of attachment/detachment there needs to be a tremendous amount of acceptance and this was what The Buddha spoke a lot about. There’s no stronger force than the force of acceptance, because acceptance brings a space that leads to gratitude. Once I was able to accept the fact that I wasn’t with my children and that I couldn’t see them on a daily basis, and that I could not even been there when they need me, I was able to live in a more comfortable and peaceful life, in a detached manner away from all those feelings and emotions that were totally getting me in a space of total discomfort, and feeling that I just wanted to start running, screaming and crying at the same time and begging for my life to come back so I could have that sense of unity again. I was only able to be again happy when I was able to move to a space of acceptance.
OK, life is very hard, it could have been worse but it was already so devastating but I accepted it and the interesting part is that once I accepted reality as it was, I was actually able to not only feel happy for the new constellation that my children were placed in, but I also started to feel that it was a loving space conducive to their growth, to their physical, mental and spiritual growth. From not wanting the reality I was living came a space of acceptance.
I strongly believe (because it’s my own experience) that there has never been a better time to put detachment into practice, the detachment from things that we think we own (or have the perception that we own) such as people or objects. Once I stepped into what I call the easy flow, which is this underlying current of energy that is universal, I did not only became more relaxed but also found this sense of acceptance, this sense of detachment which allowed me to live a life which is more grounded. I realised I can live life more on my own terms and be happy with it. I was tremendously helped throughout the six years process which allowed me to basically take my life on my own hands and decide what I wanted to do in a practical way.
What I feel is so important for me to develop in this moment is to help people transform their lives in the same way my life has been transformed, and like my mind has been adjusted to my new daily routine. Many times we really need to ask ourselves what is stopping us from doing the things we really want to do in life, and really taking the steps towards fulfilling our dreams. If there is anything that is stopping you, you can ask yourself if it is your fear. Be really clear about what are you afraid of and be self-conscious about what that means for you and what kind of impact it is bringing to your life. Once you are able to be detached from fear, fear will not stop knocking at your door though. It is only a matter of self-awareness and how to deal with the emotions that come up when we are afraid.
We have a space inside our brains called the reptilian brain (the oldest part of our brain) which controls the body’s vital functions such as heart rate, breathing, body temperature and balance. The reptilian brain is reliable but tends to be somewhat rigid and compulsive and it regulates the fight or flight response. Once this innate mechanism is ignited it releases hormones such as adrenaline, which rushes through our bodies when there is danger. The point I’m tryinh to make is that fear is a very practical tool that we have that triggers the fight or flight response but it doesn’t have to be that we are still running away from wild animals when we are living in concrete jungles and having to deal with the day-to-day jobs and chores. In the end it’s really really important to be clear about what you fear so you are actually able to make decisions, take action, move beyond your comfort zone and look the fear in the eye and really analyse it so that you can ultimately come to space that I came to realise: what is the real fear about?
It is my personal experience that we have unlimited potential to put things into practice even if we fear the outcome of our actions. There is no money in the world that can pay for you being you and you doing the best that you do in whatever area you are best at. By focusing on what you’re good at removes your fears and allows you to be totally happy and move forward towards realising your dreams.
Hi, my name is Wahido Marata and I am a CLC, CCC, Certified Life & Career Coach by the ICF (International Coach Federation) committed to helping entrepreneurs go beyond struggles, limiting belief systems, boost their self-confidence, motivation and self-awareness. My goal is to assist entrepreneurs to create a strong mindset that allows them to exponentially increase their social media presence, create a massive action plan, resources and strategies to grow their business, learn how to generate more leads and sales online, learn how to make a bigger impact in the world with their work and increase revenue, learn how to build a solid rock reputation and how to grow and monetise instagram and other social media platforms. Get my free 30 minutes Accelerator Coaching Session www.wahidomarata.com/free-session.html